Finishing finals has given me a chance to reflect on what I’ve learned this semester. While I learned a lot academically and musically, I learned more emotionally this semester than ever before. Perhaps it’s because I have the best therapist I’ve ever had, perhaps it’s because I started the semester with big questions I really needed answers to, perhaps it’s because I read thirty books since August, perhaps it’s because I got injured and had time to think. Whatever the reason, I have made several important changes to how I emotionally handle my life. Those changes have improved my mental and physical health and they all stem from one important realization:
Perfectionism doesn’t just burn you out– it inhibits your progress, damages your interpersonal relationships, and dampens your happiness.
I’ve tried to give up my perfectionism many, many times but deep down inside me I always used to believe that perfectionism is the right way and that everything else was a deviation– a deviation I could live in and tolerate for a little while, just until I got up off my feet. But, this is the first time ever that I’ve decided to give it up for good. Even just writing that down feels big.
In her book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, Brené Brown says:
“Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving for excellence. Perfection is not about healthy achievement and growth. Perfectionism is a defensive move. It’s the belief that if we do things perfectly and look perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgement and shame. Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around, thinking it will protect us, when in fact it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from being seen…. Perfectionism is not the key to success. In fact, research shows that perfectionism hampers achievement. Perfection is correlated with depression, anxiety, addiction and life paralysis or missed opportunities. The fear of failing, making mistakes, not meeting people’s expectations, and being criticized keeps us outside of the arena where healthy competition and striving unfolds.”
Nothing could possibly sum up better what I’ve learned this semester. Nothing makes me happier than working hard and making progress towards my goals. But what I’ve learned finally after all these years of pushing too hard too many times is that perfectionism is not the way to reach my goals. It causes me to injure my hands, to not pursue perfectly good relationships because I’m too afraid of failure, to not be proud of the progress I make in the class I’m not getting an A in. With endometriosis, sometimes it causes me to hate my God-given body not only because of it’s cosmetic perfections but because of it’s biological flaws. Perfectionism keeps me from joy-filled experiences, and prevents me from enjoying the successes I already have. It prevents me from trying my hardest in areas where I don’t think I can be the best. And I’m ready to say goodbye to it. If perfectionism is holding you back, I highly recommend you do to. It’s like opening a door into a new world where the possibilities are endless!
Inspirations attached:
Reebok is currently doing a #PerfectNever campaign and I’ve never agreed with any campaign more in my life. The idea is just that– letting go of perfectionism allows us to pursue more goals and to enjoy our successes more. PROPS to Gigi Hadid and Reebok for running it. I found this empowerment panel super helpful.
Also, Jennifer Finlayson-Fife (the Mormon marriage and intimacy therapist based out of Chicago) has a wonderful podcast on how perfectionism inhibits our lives and our relationships:
The Man In the Arena by Teddy Roosevelt:
And last but not least, Brené Brown’s LIFE-CHANGING books can be found here:
Go forth and pursue dreams without perfectionism keeping you from enjoying it!
This Sonorous Life 