Dating is hard. Dating is super, duper hard. It involves navigating physical and emotional boundaries as you move towards a close and intimate bond with another person. If I didn’t want to someday have a very close emotional and physical romantic relationship, I wouldn’t bother with dating at all. But, the reason I often throw in the towel for dating is because of how many men consistently don’t listen to my boundaries and push me faster than I want to go. To that, many might say, yes but Rachael you’re unusual. A 27 year old virgin?! A 27 year old that’s never kissed anyone?! A 27 year old that’s never had a relationship? Yes, I am unusual. But, I still deserve to be respected. This week I gave up online dating AGAIN because a man that I gave an honest and decent chance to CONSISTENTLY didn’t listen to me and walked right past my boundaries at least four times. When I say that I don’t want to kiss you, it means I don’t want to kiss you. When I say that I’m not going to be having sex, it’s not your job to convince me to change my mind! I am sick of having to give all my reasons for not giving myself physically to everyone I go on dates with. Yes, my religious background has something to do with it, but it’s not the only reason. I consistently give up dating because I want to have control over my own body, and dating makes me feel like I don’t. Dating makes me feel pressured. Dating makes me feel stressed! And of course, I do want to kiss someone someday! I’m a human! But, I WANT IT TO BE MY OWN CHOICE. If I sound mad, it is because I am. So if you’re a single person, in the dating world, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE respect other peoples boundaries physical and emotional!!!! It is SO IMPORTANT!!!! And if you’re in a relationship, remember that it is always a gift and an honor and a privilege to receive physical affection from your partner– not a right or something that you can force your partner into!!
Someday, when I’m in a relationship with someone I love and with someone that loves me, ONE OF THE REASONS I WILL LOVE THEM IS BECAUSE MY PHYSICAL DECISIONS WILL STILL BE MY OWN CHOICE.
PLEASE.
RESPECT.
WOMEN’S.
CHOICES.
AND.
WOMEN’S
BODIES.
Also RESPECT
MEN’S.
CHOICES.
AND.
MEN’S.
BODIES.
AND.
NONBINARY.
PEOPLE’S.
CHOICES.
AND.
NONBINARY.
PEOPLES’.
BODIES.
When we say no, we do not mean “convince me.” It’s a cliched phrase, AND YET PEOPLE ARE STILL GOING AROUND TRYING TO CONVINCE US WHEN WE SAY NO.
PLEASE STOP.
THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK.
Rachael
Here are a few sources to explain consent and coercion.
Coercion https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/other-types/sexual-coercion
This Sonorous Life 