Pei Ling: “Can you tell when you sound good?”
Me: “Sometimes.”
Pei Ling: “Pay attention to those times, because you’ll learn the most from them. Think about what you’re doing in those beautiful moments, because then you’ll be able to replicate it over and over until you sound that good all the time.”
I’m not alone in saying that when I practice, I’m looking for when I sound BAD. I’m looking for what’s WRONG. I’m searching for MISTAKES. And to be honest, just like most anyone studying classical music, it takes me about two seconds to find errors and to find them EVERYWHERE. To be fair, this is in a way a necessary evil. It works. The better we get at playing, the easier it is for us to hear and therefore CORRECT mistakes. Then, the better and quicker we get at correcting mistakes, the faster we progress towards the “flawless” ideal.
But do we hear when we sound GOOD?
Do we EVER think we sound good?
Do we ever think we have improved?
Do we ever think we sound better ?
Or have we learned to see our playing in the reverse of rose colored glasses– to see nothing resembling beauty at all ?
Several recent studies have proven that musicians suffer shocking blows to mental health as a group. 73% of independent musicians experience mental health issues including depression, anxiety, panic disorders, eating disorders, and substance abuse. The number is even higher for musicians ages 18-25 (80%). ** if you need full stats, I will post links at bottom
I had a good friend tell me once that being depressed was like seeing your life through a tiny microscope on the most awful and ugly parts. He noted that if one couldn’t look up from such a microscopic vision– they would be incapable of seeing all the beautiful things surrounding them that were outside of the microscope’s vision.
As musicians, we’ve been taught how to use a microscope to examine and cure the flaws in our playing. But sometimes, we need to remember to look up from the microscope and see the bigger picture. Sometimes, as Pei Ling suggested, we might even need to replace our microscope with some rose colored glasses.
All that being said, it’s not just musicians that experience mental health issues of course, and even with musicians sometimes music is not the root cause of those problems. But Pei-Ling’s question can apply to our lives as well. Can we tell when we are good? Can we tell when we are helpful? When we are smart? when we are hard working? when we are a good friend? a good partner? a good family member? In short, can we tell when we are making the world a better place? If we are constantly seeing our contribution to society, or to the lives of those we love, in a critical manner, than we are missing an opportunity to grow by recognizing what we are doing RIGHT. Similarly, if we are too focused on aspects of our appearance or our personality that we may perceive as unattractive, we may never realize our charming qualities and be able to use those towards our advantage. More importantly, we may forget that physical attractiveness and even personability and charm are fading beauties in comparison to the treasures of intelligence, skill, wit, compassion, generosity, empathy and the ability to connect on a deeper level.
I am not by any means someone that thinks we should throw around insensitive phrases like “just be happy” or “don’t stress out so much.” But, I do believe, that if we choose to take the slow and conscious effort of lifting our eyes from the microscope of criticism and towards the rose colored glasses of hope — we will be able to see all the wonderful things we are capable of accomplishing– and in so doing, we will help make the world a healthier and happier place.
In her famous song “La Vie En Rose”, Edith Piaf is happy for such a simple reason. She is happy because a man that she cares about is holding her and whispering kind words in her ear. She’s not seeing everything in lovely colors because she plays Paganini perfectly, or because she is a winner of the Nobel Prize. It is also noteworthy that the song does not mention the full nature of their relationship, and there is actually no proof based on the song that it was longer than a fling. Edith Piaf was happy simply because something good was happening to her in that very moment. If she’d been focused on that microscope, maybe she’d have missed the moment. Maybe we miss that moment all the time… and maybe, we don’t have to. Maybe we too can just look up into the eyes of the ones we care about, forget about the notes we can’t play yet, and smile.
Disclaimer: Any mental health issue cannot be faced alone. If struggling with these issues, looking for the rose colored glasses should and can be done with the help of medical professionals. I myself have been receiving extremely helpful care from a psychiatrist the entire time I have been in SF/ at SFCM. I also received care previously in NYC and Boston. Without such care, I know I wouldn’t be where I am today. Seeking mental health assistance makes one stronger and helps in every aspect of one’s life.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2018/01/26/arts/music/musicians-mental-health.amp.html
https://www.classicfm.com/music-news/musicians-eating-disorders/
https://www.google.com/amp/s/neurosciencenews.com/musicians-eating-disorders-7156/amp/
This Sonorous Life 